“If you can’t say something good about someone, sit right here by me.”
“I’ve always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.”
“I can be President of the United States, or I can control Alice. I cannot possibly do both.” – Theodore Roosevelt about Alice.
“I am a hedonist. I have an appetite for being entertained.”
“My specialty is detached malevolence.”
“You can’t make a souffle rise twice.”
“Dorothy Parker once said, ‘The two most beautiful words in the English language are “check enclosed.”’ I would add to that: “Dinner is served.””
“The secret of eternal youth is arrested development.”
“I have a simple philosophy: Fill what’s empty. Empty what’s full. Scratch where it itches.”
“You must always remember that if you were a Republican, the White House was a sacred place, and if you were a Democrat, it was a bordello.”
“My father always wanted to be the corpse at every funeral, the bride at every wedding, and the baby at every christening.”
“I am not the type to sit home and knit.”
“When a member of the clergy calls on me, I always ask them: ‘What is the Good Book’s stance on sins of the flesh?’”
“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.”
“In politics, nothing is less important than the score at halftime.”
“It’s a great advantage not to drink among hard-drinking people.”
“My needlework is of the primitive variety, but I do it because I have a devout horror of being idle.”
“I’ve enjoyed life. I’ve had a hell of a good time.”
“Politics makes strange bedfellows, and journalism makes strange politics.”
“If husbands are supposed to do the noble thing, I would have been divorced long ago.”
“I’ve outlived my lack of discretion.”
“Washington is a city of people who think that when a little something goes wrong, the entire universe is against them.”
“I was a Republican by birth and inclination.”
“Some people have a chip on their shoulder. I have a heavy plank.”
“The secret of a long life is double Scotch and aspirin.”
“I have lived a life in Technicolor, and I long for the simplicity of black and white.”
“I always get the last word; my tongue is sharper than my wit.”
“You can’t make friends with elephants unless you have peanuts.”
“I’ve never really been able to be content with mere existence. I need drama and excitement.”
“If I’m not controversial, I don’t know what I am.”
“There is nothing more dangerous than a bored woman with a book of poetry.”
“I think, perhaps, my candidness has not always won me friends, but it has won me respect.”
“I am an acquired taste, much like caviar.”
“When someone asks if you would like coffee or tea, I suggest you answer champagne.”
“Nobody likes a scandal, but everyone loves to talk about it.”
“I have opinions of my own, strong opinions, but I don’t always agree with them.”
“Age is no excuse for not being outrageous.”
“If I’ve offended anyone, it’s probably because I meant to.”
“I’ve always been fascinated by what people say when they think nobody’s listening.”
“To be diplomatic is to lie gracefully.”
“There is no social sin greater than being boring.”
“I love a good argument, as long as I get to win.”
“I was born a Republican, but I’ve had my flirtations with being independent.”
“Some people say I’m harsh, but I say I’m honest.”
“I’ve always believed that one should never underestimate the power of a good hat.”
“If you want to keep a secret, don’t tell me.”
“I enjoy a good spectacle, especially when I’m the star of it.”
“Living well is the best revenge, but a clever remark runs a close second.”
“Life is too short not to laugh at yourself and others.”
“The best accessory for a woman is a sharp tongue.”