“What, me worry?”
“I’m not a doctor, but I play one on TV.”
“If you can’t laugh at yourself, call me—I’ll do it for you.”
“Don’t take life too seriously—you’ll never get out alive.”
“When in doubt, smile and wave.”
“It’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.”
“Life’s too short to be serious all the time.”
“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself—and possibly spiders.”
“I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everyone.”
“Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.”
“Worrying never solves anything, but it sure wastes a lot of time.”
“You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.”
“I have a photographic memory—I just don’t have any film.”
“A day without laughter is a day wasted.”
“Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.”
“The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.”
“I didn’t get where I am today by worrying about my problems.”
“Never take life too seriously; no one gets out alive anyway.”
“Happiness is just a chance to laugh.”
“Laughter is an instant vacation.”
“I think, therefore I am—unemployed.”
“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.”
“Don’t just sit there; do something. Or don’t. Either way, enjoy it.”
“The secret to being happy is to stop trying to be perfect.”
“In case of emergency, break glass and laugh.”
“I’m on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.”
“Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.”
“I plan to live forever. So far, so good.”
“Why worry about the future when you can’t do anything about it?”
“I could agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”
“Life is just a bowl of cherries—until you drop it.”
“The only thing that comes to a sleeping man is dreams.”
“If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.”
“A little nonsense now and then is cherished by the wisest men.”
“I’ve learned that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.”
“I’m on the diet where you eat only what’s edible.”
“Some days you’re the bug, and some days you’re the windshield.”
“The greatest problem of our time is that we are all too busy, but not too busy to complain.”
“The best way to predict your future is to create it.”
“I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.”
“Life is like a camera—focus on the good times.”
“I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.”
“It’s never too late to be what you could have been.”
“Procrastination is like a credit card: it’s a lot of fun until you get the bill.”
“Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken.”
“You can’t have everything… where would you put it?”
“Life is a party, and I’m just here for the snacks.”
“A penny for your thoughts seems a little expensive these days.”
“I’m not lazy, I’m on energy-saving mode.”
“Laugh as much as you breathe, love as long as you live.”